Insanity Golf
by Ionia Metallium-Greywers
Summary: The adventures of a golf game between me and a few of the bishounen from my harem! ^^ Beware of shoujo abuse. Read and review!


A/N: This is *trumpet fanfare* an official insanity fic!!! YAY!!! Ore wa tanoshii desu yo!!! Anyway, this will most likely feature some of my bishounen from Slayers, Fushigi Yuugi, Gundam Wing, Star Ocean 2, and DragonLance. So read it and like it, or DIE!!! *evil cackle* Ahem...tanoshimu, minna!  
  
Warning: INSANITY!!! (What did you expect from an insanity fic? Fluff? Shounen ai? Yaoi/yuri? Pie? Not to say those won't be thrown into the mix either. It's insanity.)  
  
Setting: It's a calm, sunny day. Birds are singing, the breeze blows through the trees. And as the breeze blows, it carries insane laughs of two males and one female from a small valley. Soon, three golf carts top the hill. One is piloted by Chibi, with Chichiri riding shotgun. The second is piloted by Duo, with Zelgadiss riding shotgun, and the third is piloted by Dalamar, with Ashton riding shotgun. The three drivers of the small carts wre laughing maniacally, and the poor passengers were clinging to the chairs for their lives.  
  
When the carts stopped, the three passengers fell out of them and began kissing the ground. Chibi, Duo, and Dalamar jumped out of the carts and grabbed a random golf club from a pile in the back of their carts, then proceeded to three black golf balls.   
  
Chibi glanced over the three. "I can't remember which one's mine!"  
  
Dalamar searched the balls. "Mine had a pink face on it."  
  
"You mean this one?" Duo held up one black ball that had a hot pink chibi face of Raistlin painted on it, with the word 'Shalafi' painted under it.  
  
"Yes! That's it!" Dalamar took his ball and placed it on the ground.  
  
Chibi looked at the remaining two. "So, the question is, which one is mine, and which one is yours, Duo?"  
  
Duo shrugged. "Dunno. Pick one."  
  
"...'kay." Chibi picked up one of the black-painted balls and, with her fingernail, scratched out 'Chibi' in katakana.  
  
"Good enough." Duo picked up the last ball. "So the plain one is mine, eh?" He took a lockpick and scratched 'Shinigami' into the paint.  
  
"Hey, guys!" Dalamar yelled to Chichiri, Zel, and Ashton, who were spitting out grass from kissing the ground a lil' bit too hard. "Where are you guys' balls?"  
  
Chichiri, Zel, and Ashton blinked. Duo blinked. Chibi blinked, then snorted. Then laughed.  
  
"I know where their balls are!" she said, laughing. Everyone promptly fell over.  
  
"Eh...enough ecchiness for now..." Ashton said, sweatdropping. "My ball went over that way." He pointed towards a clump of trees. Gyoro and Ururun nodded in agreement.  
  
"Mine went over there no da." Chichiri pointed to a pond.  
  
Zel remained silent.  
  
"Ne, ne, Rock-boy! What about you?" Duo yelled, and was glared at.  
  
"Mine went in the hole." Zel crossed his arms. Chibi sweatdropped. Of course it did. He had that damn tracking tool.  
  
"Ok, then, minna!" Chibi announced happily. "Go hit your balls!" She snickered at her comment, which she had purposely intended to sound really hentai. Everyone else facefaulted.  
  
*****  
  
Duo, Dalamar, and Chibi leaned on their golf clubs as they watched the other three walk towards their own golf balls.  
  
Chibi shuddered and poked Duo. "Ne, ne, isn't that Amelia over there?"  
  
Duo peered, as did Dalamar. "Yeah, I think it is."  
  
Dalamar shuddered. "You can't mistake that hairstyle."  
  
"Sure ya could. It could be Rezo wearing Amelia's clothes." Chibi held up her index finger and tapped the side of her head. "Ya gotta think like that. Rezo's pretty clever. But I doubt it's Rezo crossdressing. For one, Rezo's taller than that, and for two, Rezo's not fruity enough to crossdress."  
  
Dalamar smirked evilly. "You two thinking what I'm thinking?"  
  
The two morbid teens smirked. "Hai..."  
  
Amelia stood, calculating her next shot, minding her own business.  
  
Three golf clubs hit their respective balls with a 'WHACK!'  
  
A chorus of "Seven!!!" sounded.  
  
Amelia was KOed by three golf balls.  
  
"YEAH!!!" Duo yelled. "Mark that one down as a perfect!"  
  
Dalamar wrote "PERFECT!" on the score card.  
  
Chibi scanned the terrain. "Hey, look! It's Relena!"  
  
And so the game of "KO the annoying anime girls" continued...  
  
*****  
  
Chichiri tried to ignore the annoying shoujo screams and the harmonius cries of "SEVEN!!!" from the three insane persons, one of which he called 'Miko-sama.' But it was kind of hard to ignore them when they were not 40 feet away from you. He sighed. "I'm not gonna get anything good out of this no da." He reached into his kasa and pulled out his fishing equipment, and began fishing in the pond instead of playing golf.  
  
*****  
  
Ashton couldn't find his ball. He searched under every bush possible, but nothing. Even Gyoro and Ururun couldn't find it. He cursed audibly. How come it was always him that the Gods had to pick on?  
  
Then he spotted it. A plain, white ball. He giggled happily. "My ball!" Gyoro and Ururun whimpered nervously.  
  
-I don't sense anything good to come out of this, Ururun...-  
  
-Neither do I.-  
  
Ashton picked up the white ball, only to see that it was the tail of a rabbit. The only part of the rabbit remaining, actually, seeing as the rest of it was inside a very large snake.  
  
Ashton twitched. And twitched. And twitched some more. Then, he screamed.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*****  
  
Zel's ears twitched at the sound of a very feminine scream coming from the clump of trees Ashton's ball had went into. Assuming it was just another victim of the sadomasochistic trio's little game, he sighed and leaned back against the golf cart chair.  
  
His assumptions were proved wrong when Ashton came tearing out of the woods screaming, being chased by the giant snake. He sweatdropped. 'Something you don't see every day' would NOT be a correct term for this situation.  
  
*****  
  
Chichiri saw the unfortunate sword-for-hire running from certain doom in a pair of fangs. He sweatdropped, and came to the same conclusion Zel had about 'Something you don't see every day.' Sighing, he constructed a barrier around Ashton, who had gotten himself backed against a wall.  
  
*****  
  
The misfit trio were cackling loudly, but stopped when Ashton had gotten himself backed against a wall.  
  
Dalamar sweatdropped. "Shouldn't we help him?"  
  
Chibi looked down at the pond, and saw Chichiri holding the barrier. "Nope."  
  
Duo gaped. "D-demo, Chibi-sama!"  
  
Chibi pointed at Chichiri. "Chi-ri-chan's set up a barrier. Ashu-chan can't get hurt."  
  
Dalamar and Duo blinked. "I-if you say so..."  
  
*****  
  
Ashton was sweating buckets. 'Soon I'm gonna be dessert for a snake larger than the Midgar Zolom. That reminds me...whatever happened to my game save data for Final Fantasy VII? I don't remember erasing it. Maybe I should ask Dalamar when we get back. Or Gourry. He's stupid enough to have accidentaly erased it...'  
  
Ashton felt a bump, and was shaken out of his thoughts. He watched as the snake, face practically on fire, slithered away.  
  
He sat there for a moment in total shock. Then...  
  
"HOLY SHIT!!!"  
  
Everyone else jumped at the outburst. Ashton didn't curse like that without good reason!  
  
Chibi decided this was good enough reason as any.  
  
*****  
  
Back at Count D's pet shop...  
  
"Ne, ne, Dal-chan, how many shoujo did we KO?" Chibi attempted to peer over the tall man's shoulder, but miserably failed.  
  
Dalamar showed her the card. "15." He grinned widely, with the traditional Xelloss expression stuck on his face. "We got the NA Usagi, Relena, Amelia, Miaka, Yui, Filia, Hino Rei, Dorothy, Rinoa, Rena, Hilde, Chocolate, Meryl, Kaoru, and Misty from Pokemon!"  
  
"Good!" Chibi giggled. "No, great! If we keep up this rate, all anime and video games in the world will be rid of annoying girls! I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I OWN THE ENTIRE MALE CAST OF A SHOUJO ANIME!!!!!"  
  
Dalamar sweatdropped and poked his Miko in the arm. "Ano...you already DO own an entire male cast of a shoujo anime, remember? You own the entire male cast of Card Captor Sakura."  
  
"Ah, hai..." Chibi tapped her fingers together in the Mr. Burns fashion. "All those kawaii tensai shounen..."  
  
Dalamar sweatdropped.  
  
--OWARI--  
  
Ne, ne, tell me whatcha think! Gomen, no fluff, shounen ai, yaoi/yuri, or pie was thrown into the mix. But if you didn't want any of that stuff, then hell, what am I apologizing for? 


End file.
